have2justbeme: (Heartbreak [Profile])
have2justbeme ([personal profile] have2justbeme) wrote in [community profile] leavinglima 2013-01-09 05:51 am (UTC)

"No... No, she isn't. I know that she isn't. And... I don't think I ever thought that was what I was doing. But at the end of the day, it really may well be. I'm used to thinking that she needs me... That she really can't live without me in the long run, because that's just the way we always lived. I got used to things being that way, and maybe that's the worst mistake I ever made. I mean, clearly things aren't working out with us, and now, it's... It's like you said. It feels like this huge weight on my shoulders, and it's not one I want to carry anymore... It's like..." She paused there, trying to think of a good example for this that made sense, and then it came to her, perhaps even a little humorously when she really thought about it. "You know when a cat comes into your yard... And it's really skinny, so you feed it, even though it can catch mice or whatever it is cats do on its own? But then you feed it that one time, and it hangs around, because you fed it... You met its needs once, and if you're going to do that, why should it go find its own food? It's kind of like that. Only I do love Britt, and I don't want her totally out of my life. I just can't keep being the one who does everything for her, even if I was the one who put myself in that position in the first place."

Santana sighed quietly as she looked at Kurt, wishing that she had some kind of argument for what he was saying. This was a mess. A major fucking mess, but anybody who'd been to McKinley, of all high schools, had seen some damn beautiful things grow out of messes. This friendship, for one. Kurt and Santana had never been close in the early days. In fact, they had done much more bitch fighting than getting along. But here they were, in New York City, close friends with a hell of a lot of very special things shared between them, including the bond that could only come when one friend saw another puke. "Okay, fine... I've been wondering ever since that night what might happen if me and Q tried something... tried to make something happen, you know? She's... Whether I want to admit it or not, her first huge delve into her sexuality outside of guys was with me, and we've been friends for a lifetime. Of all the people that should be there for her when she's going through this, I'm really damn high on that list..." That sank in very quickly with an air of absolute finality, and Santana looked up at Kurt, an almost panicked look in her eyes. "Oh, my God..."

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